Top 10 ways to know you have joined the Wrong Church:

1. The pastor refers to God on as "Jehovah" and constantly exhorts the congregation to "Witness."

2. New Members are required to submit W-2's for the last 10 years.

3. Pastor regularly attends meetings at Las Vegas and Atlantic City.

4. The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound."

5. You discover the church refers to the 10 commandments as the 10 suggestions.

6. The Women's quartet are all married to the Pastor.

7. The chancel cross has been replaced by a bronze pyramid.

8. Pastor preaches an eloquent sermon on ancient heresies and the deacons want to make them part of the doctrinal statement.

9. The new member's kit includes a Bible, church by laws, and an UZI.

10. The pulpit committee announces that they just discovered a problem with their one good candidate "She's Divorced."

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